As I’m writing this post, I’m trying to get my fingers to be familiarized with the keyboard that is french-oriented; took me about a minute to type out this one sentence. Apart from that, I’m sitting on the room’s floor in the kind of darkness that gives a melancholic feeling. It’s almost dusk and it was raining with heavy winds right before this. To add on to this atmosphere, I’m listening to the Interstellar’s main soundtrack. With the already quiet and calm surrounding, I feel a pinch of sadness as I realized again that it’s my birthday today. It’s the first time that I’m spending my birthday far away from home, the place I grew up in, away from the familiar sights and places. To think I used to envy people who get to spend their birthdays on a trip or go somewhere as a treat for them. But today, I find myself yearning to spend some time with my dear family or close friends – even if it’s at home. I miss them even more as I’m writing this. While I do admit that there’s a part of me that still wants to spend a solo quiet time somewhere outside just because I’m used to doing this for the past few years. Not being able to see the husband for almost the entire day even for today, due to hectic work and long journeys does not really help much too.
Nevertheless, I’m thankful for the opportunity to be able to live this far and witness my life taking a different turn. I’m content but that does not mean I feel great entirely. It’s different when loneliness eats you up but I’ll be okay 🙂 For now, let me spend my day of turning twenty-eight with a mind that wanders to moments and places I’m familiar with as my heart misses the people I love while my body is sitted in a foreign place. A foreign place that I’m slowly beginning to call home.
I hate distance.I hate time difference. Being a part of them are probably the most challenging things I have to face for the past few years and lately they’re getting on my nerves a lot. Seems like sooner the time is coming, the easier it is to break the patience and get so annoyed and frustrated. The tendency to give up and care less is more. As much as I believe God has put me in this situation to put my patience into test, there’s a part of me that wonders why (though I know I’m not supposed to question what has already been written). Sigh, sorry for the short rant.
He and I spent a few hours on the phone today. It was not just a normal phone conversation, it was like a so-called ‘date’. He set aside a time in the morning just to talk while I embraced the quiet afternoon in the house, just to hear us exchanging words. I do not remember him or me proposing a specific time for us to call and talk just to spend some time “together” lol. Ok put this aside.
We discussed about the wedding and whenever we talk about this, I cannot help but feel a tiny bit sense of worry. I cannot visualize how it will look like and keep wondering if this is going to happen. You see, we are very short of time to the planned date yet there has been no finalisation. People over here would enquire and book vendors or locations way in advance, sometimes one year before or more than that (?!) So I guess I am not kiasu at all. I think we are probably one of the most lepak or relaxed people when it comes to wedding preparation. However, maybe if he is here in the same place, that would have make me more enthusiastic. MAYBE, haha. Anyway, do not ask how is the progress for each time I meet my good friend or sister, they will keep asking the same thing and I will be …changing the topic :D. But rest assured, if Allah’s willing, it will go as intended.
By the way, in case anyone is wondering (yes if there is anyone interested or reading this lol), despite doing long-distance for about 3 years, we have never do video calls/skype before. Hence, the phone call. So why no video calls? Because we just do not feel comfortable about it. Yes, maybe it would have lessen the feeling of (ehem) missing and building unnecessary emotions or mood swings. But hey, I am (truthfully) a shy person. Ya.. I get easily shy for almost any situation hence the idea of having someone to look at me in the screen is intimidating. Thankfully, both of us think similarly when it comes to this and yes, we survived without succumbing to the common way of communicating in ldr *thank god for whatsapp/email though* 🙂
Each time I passed by or happened to be somewhere in the middle of the city area, my mind wanders off to the memories we had while you were here. I remember the walks we had. And this, makes me miss you even more than I already do. Till we see each other again 🙂
The day has finally come…
Quite hard to believe that in less than twenty-four hours time, he’ll be arriving and we’ll meet, if Allah’s willing. It’s been more than a year, would lie if I say I’m not nervous at all. All kinds of ridiculous questions I have in my mind actually.
Let’s just pray and hope for the best. Meanwhile, I’m counting down, Mr Geek! 🙂