Distant

As I’m writing this post, I’m trying to get my fingers to be familiarized with the keyboard that is french-oriented; took me about a minute to type out this one sentence. Apart from that, I’m sitting on the room’s floor in the kind of darkness that gives a melancholic feeling. It’s almost dusk and it was raining with heavy winds right before this. To add on to this atmosphere, I’m listening to the Interstellar’s main soundtrack. With the already quiet and calm surrounding, I feel a pinch of sadness as I realized again that it’s my birthday today. It’s the first time that I’m spending my birthday far away from home, the place I grew up in, away from the familiar sights and places. To think I used to envy people who get to spend their birthdays on a trip or go somewhere as a treat for them. But today, I find myself yearning to spend some time with my dear family or close friends – even if it’s at home. I miss them even more as I’m writing this. While I do admit that there’s a part of me that still wants to spend a solo quiet time somewhere outside just because I’m used to doing this for the past few years. Not being able to see the husband for almost the entire day even for today, due to hectic work and long journeys does not really help much too.

Nevertheless, I’m thankful for the opportunity to be able to live this far and witness my life taking a different turn. I’m content but that does not mean I feel great entirely. It’s different when loneliness eats you up but I’ll be okay 🙂 For now, let me spend my day of turning twenty-eight with a mind that wanders to moments and places I’m familiar with as my heart misses the people I love while my body is sitted in a foreign place. A foreign place that I’m slowly beginning to call home.

Last week

It’s 3 in the morning and I can’t fall asleep. I’ve been sleeping easily the past week and it’s been a while since I am awake at this time. I’m telling myself to stay calm and not panic or anything but my mind suddenly decide to think about everything that can go wrong. Or it’s just reminding myself about small important details that I need to quickly get sorted out. As I’m beginning to feel a sense of worry, I’m feeling more nervous. 4 days more and it’s getting real. 

Till then.

Final Arrival

In about an hour time, he’ll reach here. InshaAllah. And this is after last Dec ’15 that we last met and seen each other. My mind is full of thoughts and my heart is full of emotions. I’m nervous/excited/shy but MOSTLY EXCITED to finally see him. Time flies. I remember the time when we said our goodbyes at the airport not really knowing when we’ll be able to see each other again. But now, I’m anxiously waiting and heading to the airport to surprise him. 

Time wasn’t really on our side for the last few years but we hanged on and were granted patience. Hence, for now may this two weeks be easy for the both of us and our families to unite in the name of Allah. 

Till then 🙂

Haik! Japan

Currently I am on a desktop computer at one of the Tokyo’s hostels. The place is called Wise Owl Hostels located at Hatchobori – 1 stop away from Tokyo station. It has been a while since I last stayed in a dormitory hostel and last evening when I crashed into my bunk bed, I was reminded of my stay in London four years ago.. oh wow four years passed already? This Wise Owl Hostel is really nice honestly – the concept and design are beautifully structured with friendly staff. And oh they have a huge owl too! How interesting. It is sitted at their front desk with its big eyes and will stare at you whenever  you are talking to the staff lol.

Anyway, it was a solo trip yesterday to here as my buddy, Khadijah (who was the one responsible to dragging me in this Japan trip haha) has work trainings. Alhamdulillah it went smoothly although I was feeling very anxious throughout the whole flight. Walking around in the Hatchobori neighbourhood in the evening led me to the outer areas where I caught myself being lost at some points. However, I kept telling myself that He is with me wherever I go. I was actually searching for a halal food place but to no avail. So I succumbed to eating cup noodles and soup.

Alright I will make my way to check out and meet Khadijah later on where we will depart to other parts of Japan – specifically Kawazu and Kyoto (hopefully it is possible). I will definitely miss this wonderful and cosy hostel. Maybe in future?

Till then!

Patience

I hate distance.I hate time difference. Being a part of them are probably the most challenging things I have to face for the past few years and lately they’re getting on my nerves a lot. Seems like sooner the time is coming, the easier it is to break the patience and get so annoyed and frustrated. The tendency to give up and care less is more. As much as I believe God has put me in this situation to put my patience into test, there’s a part of me that wonders why (though I know I’m not supposed to question what has already been written). Sigh, sorry for the short rant. 

Close

Earlier today, I was about to cross the traffic light after seeing the green man. And (un)fortunately, my shoes slipped and I leaned slightly back right when I wanted to cross. For that split second, a bus dashed right in front of me. Let me remind you, it was the green man. My mom was with me along with few other people but I was the first in front. It freaks me out about what could have been. My mind keeps thinking of that moment and I can’t help feeling afraid yet blessed at the same time. That one second is so valuable and my shoes were the savior. But most importantly, there is a reason why Allah makes me face that one second and why He’s giving me a chance in this life. 

Stay safe and please do look right, left and repeat before crossing the road.

Whatever

I’m not in the mood to do anything at all currently. I know there are plenty of things I need to do and settle but there seems to be nothing that will wake me up from this phase. I’m not feeling any pinch right now although I know I’m short of time. Things are just messy and disorganised at this point of time. This makes me demoralized and unenthusiastic. I’ve been dreaming of bad situations at times too and I’m not sure if these are signs that I should boost my preparation mode or if those scenes are going to happen when the day comes. Nobody is really helping and all the while I read btb’s blogs, they seemed to get some help here and there, one way or another. As for me, it still feels like nobody really cares yet I’ve been caring too much about what people would say or think. As a result, this put the important things on hold. Till then.