Give me a reason to smile

You know that moment when you’d finally blow up after a hard day. After you’d bury every little thing inside for far too much and something just had to kick the bucket and trigger off the ticking bomb. Yeah, that was what happened earlier and it doesn’t help too that I woke up with a ‘swollen eyes’. Which of course a colleague just had to ask about it as soon as the crowd were assembling. Asking across the hallway, where everyone could hear and immediately zoom into my eyes. Yes, I have slitted ugly eyes. Can’t believe I actually let it out two days in a row. Must be the mood swings plus other stuffs. Oh the horror, of being a woman. Honestly, I don’t remember the last time I ever burst out that hard. The only one I can remember was 3 years ago. Erm, yea you know the dates or which year was that. Horrible experience ever. However, right after the incident today, I clearly told myself in the mirror that “alright, I’m going through this. Why the heck did I show this weakness?”. No, not in a psychotic way of course.

I never like being involved in this emotional shitty feeling. It feels shallow. It feels wrong? I thought I’d learn and constantly advice myself (and anyone else) about how positive thinking has always help me feel good. How it makes me not worry about the near future and just let things be the way it is. Basically, I’d withdrawn myself from being attached to anything or even anyone. It just comes to that point.

Oh and you know what else happened? Those (seriously) salty tears just had to flow like an endless river while I was serving the food to those little ones. The worse thing? Every single one of them were giving me the big gooey stares. Heard some whispered to their friends asking whether I was crying. For a moment, I felt like I’m in a drama series. The only thing that’s missing is the epic background music. Freak yes, it’s NOT a good feeling to be tearing up in front of them. It shows how weak the ‘teacher’ they have always thought is a ‘huge’ figure cry like they do.

Visited my dearest friend, Aqidah in the hospital earlier. Her situation kind of affected my emotions as well. I really hope she’ll get well soon. You know dear, that I’m always here. We’ll be indulging ourselves with JCO enormous size yoghurt and sit all afternoon talking about our lives soon, alright? (:

This may just be one of  my least favorite story. Pardon me for thinking I’m another freak complaining about how terrible her day has been or anything else. Well, if there’s anywhere else I want to furiously write within an hour, this was just the ‘perfect’ space. Now if you would excuse me, I’d like to hug my comfy blanket and hope that the remaining days will be better. By far, this week hasn’t been nice to me so a little sunshine will be great. Have a good day.


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