So I fell into a deep sleep the moment I reached home till the wee hours at 1 in the morning. Each time that happens, which is rare, there’s always a certain sense of odd feeling that engulfed me into another dimension. I can’t help but ponder about my life right now. It comes to a moment where I just want to break away from this cycle, for real. Everyday is purely systematic. I can’t remember the last time I felt really great or having the time of my life. You know there’s just so much for us to take but everything and every human has their limits. I want to do something I really love, something that doesn’t make me dread for a day. Something that has been in my thoughts for the longest time. Something that will make me venture out there in the sun during the day underneath the blue skies, surround by the beautiful nature. A carefree life. But I’m guessing that only happen in my imagination, in the nostalgic years.
I went for a workshop last weekend, to cover for my colleague. I dreaded it so much only to find out that I actually enjoyed the last session which was the music and movement. Besides being engaged in the activities, I found myself attracted to this gentleman who is one of the only two guys in there. It’s a different kind of attraction, it’s more of like admiring his ambitious aura he displayed that day. Suddenly it got me reminded of the younger days back then during primary school, whenever there was a cute boy sitting next to me, I got all jitterish and end up having a crush on him. I guess that change when you get older. I don’t know how I gathered the courage to actually speak out and asked him questions that seemed blatantly casual. So we did get to talk a little bit at the end but we were interrupted and I just walked away. Without saying goodbye. I’m still asking myself if I should actually wait or what I did was the right thing. That was the end then.
Since then (I know this blog is not privatize and I’m only inviting trouble), my mind has been lingering around about this certain stranger. There’s something about him that makes me wonder, that makes me want to know about him. Heh but I guess this will go away soon. Right so I should stop bringing myself into this dreamland and continue working hard without any payoff.
“we’re little boats in the great big sea, setting sail after sail in the hopes of finding a breeze.” – Sleeping At Last’s Pacific Blues
Let’s hope we survive this week with a fruitful end. May peace be upon you.