one thing that changes everything

I’ve been thinking for the past many days. How am i going to face it if i decided to go there.

It’s been so long since i last wrote a poem and publicize it. I recently picked up few good poetry books but never got the chance to read them. I think that every person who writes a poem is one emotional freak. The time that i am able to create one is the time that i think too much. Yes, every words that came out from my mind to create a poem has always been spontaneous. I’ve never really think much of the sentence to rhyme when i write them down. It would often come naturally. When someone writes a poem, they expect the readers to try and understand what every sentence means. You have to be smart to read in between the lines. I miss the feeling of writing poems.

Satayman used to describe me as someone who is animated. I hope i still am. Though i can already see the change, like what iza had mentioned. The difference is huge. I can never really tell any changes till i’ve been poked at.

Most of the times, i’ve think about how lovely it is if i am able to board the plane and fly off to somewhere. And never comes back. I’ve finally understand why people do that. If only. I will one day. I’ve been reminding that in my head often now. I know, i tend to dream too much. I had created many little scenarios in my head that i know will never come true. How deceiving.

There are reasons why i have always kept things to myself. It’s ironic on how even the person closest to you or the one who is often with you every single day, don’t even know what’s going on in your mind, or life. The only comfort you can find is by writing on an enclosed diary. And sometimes, you wish those papers can speak.

At times i wonder why does nobody ever remind me, back then. Fizah said it’s because i have never open up to tell anyone about whatever that’s happening in my life. It’s because i kept it. And the only reason was because no one would be interested to know. I can never find the right words to explain each time my mouth decided to spill it all out. In the end, no one knows. I don’t think it’s necessary to let anybody knows about what’s going in your life unless they really care. Because most of the times, no one does. Thus, it’s best to keep everything mum. I’m being contradicting by having blogs. Funny as it is, ever since then, i’ve had friends coming up to me and telling me their stories that sounds a little bit too familiar and asking what to do. I can be mean but i’ve always wanted the best for everyone.

I need to rest now. I blabbered too much. Please, take best care.

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