if i can just kill you

Today, i decided on something that i’d never would have thought i did. I braved up a little and click on that button. Goodbye to those fucking words. Goodbye to those two years of nonsensical thoughts. Things i do for someone. Maybe i sacrifice my own pride. I never want this blog to be read by people except for rena, cos she’s one of the few person i trust now. Well only she knows about this blog. Maybe this will be the only online source to know that i’m still alive. Maybe, not tomorrow. Sounds suicidal.

Deletion in life might probably be the only way out.

At times i wonder to myself, what’s the biggest mistake i ever done to deserve this kind of life. Yes, i strongly believe in karma now. It took me so long to rediscover myself. But yet again, it crumbles down and i find it hard to pick myself up again. Back when i was in secondary school, nobody knows what i was up to whenever i find myself sinking deep in any situation. Nobody.

Everything feels like nothing. I like to stare into space nowadays. I would like to just stare at nothing everyday. I want to live in my own world one day. I don’t find anything great other than the prayers. Even the cyber world now is such an arse. Next up is facebook.

When i type this, i feel pathetic.

I missed my last stop again just now. I have to take 109 and drop somewhere sengkang/hougang but i slept. Woke up and find myself still in the bus at the expressway heading towards pasir ris. It happened on friday and today. A total waste of time lar.

Ok, am not going to miss the morning bus tomorrow. I don’t want to be running and ended up looking like a fool.

I just need an empty room now. I never have the chance to vent out anything! SIAKNESS. ok bye.


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