Last week

It’s 3 in the morning and I can’t fall asleep. I’ve been sleeping easily the past week and it’s been a while since I am awake at this time. I’m telling myself to stay calm and not panic or anything but my mind suddenly decide to think about everything that can go wrong. Or it’s just reminding myself about small important details that I need to quickly get sorted out. As I’m beginning to feel a sense of worry, I’m feeling more nervous. 4 days more and it’s getting real. 

Till then.

Final Arrival

In about an hour time, he’ll reach here. InshaAllah. And this is after last Dec ’15 that we last met and seen each other. My mind is full of thoughts and my heart is full of emotions. I’m nervous/excited/shy but MOSTLY EXCITED to finally see him. Time flies. I remember the time when we said our goodbyes at the airport not really knowing when we’ll be able to see each other again. But now, I’m anxiously waiting and heading to the airport to surprise him. 

Time wasn’t really on our side for the last few years but we hanged on and were granted patience. Hence, for now may this two weeks be easy for the both of us and our families to unite in the name of Allah. 

Till then 🙂

Patience

I hate distance.I hate time difference. Being a part of them are probably the most challenging things I have to face for the past few years and lately they’re getting on my nerves a lot. Seems like sooner the time is coming, the easier it is to break the patience and get so annoyed and frustrated. The tendency to give up and care less is more. As much as I believe God has put me in this situation to put my patience into test, there’s a part of me that wonders why (though I know I’m not supposed to question what has already been written). Sigh, sorry for the short rant. 

Close

Earlier today, I was about to cross the traffic light after seeing the green man. And (un)fortunately, my shoes slipped and I leaned slightly back right when I wanted to cross. For that split second, a bus dashed right in front of me. Let me remind you, it was the green man. My mom was with me along with few other people but I was the first in front. It freaks me out about what could have been. My mind keeps thinking of that moment and I can’t help feeling afraid yet blessed at the same time. That one second is so valuable and my shoes were the savior. But most importantly, there is a reason why Allah makes me face that one second and why He’s giving me a chance in this life. 

Stay safe and please do look right, left and repeat before crossing the road.

Whatever

I’m not in the mood to do anything at all currently. I know there are plenty of things I need to do and settle but there seems to be nothing that will wake me up from this phase. I’m not feeling any pinch right now although I know I’m short of time. Things are just messy and disorganised at this point of time. This makes me demoralized and unenthusiastic. I’ve been dreaming of bad situations at times too and I’m not sure if these are signs that I should boost my preparation mode or if those scenes are going to happen when the day comes. Nobody is really helping and all the while I read btb’s blogs, they seemed to get some help here and there, one way or another. As for me, it still feels like nobody really cares yet I’ve been caring too much about what people would say or think. As a result, this put the important things on hold. Till then.

Darkest period yet

Even in the darkest time, my mum manage to watch her favourite cooking show and read the newspaper as usual, pull a joke or tease and smile like nothing is wrong. While I dread the thought of being home these days yet at the same time I know I have nowhere else to go. And I still try to find peace within. My home is supposed to be the safest place but now, it feels like the opposite. I planned that at this period of time is the time when I would be calm and settled. But three months later and two to go yet the waves are getting higher and it reflects only the beginning of a storm. I am hoping and praying that things will get better in the time to come and that we will be braver and stronger together.