Forget

Just so you know, I forget that I am being loved everyday. I forget that I have a home to go to everyday. I forget that my family is still by my side everyday. I forget that I am still able to see beautiful faces, the clouds, trees and read messages everyday. I forget that I am still able to hear my loved ones’ voices. I forget that I am able to walk everyday. I forget that I still have my hands to help me do my tasks everyday. I forget that I am served with food and able to eat everyday. I forget that I able to sleep on the bed everyday.

I forget that I’m still here and still living.

Because with all the chaos outside and within, I forget to love, everyday.

 

Not ready

People I know are getting ready and almost prepared and I’m listening to their stories. In the meantime, I am nowhere near prepared or ready. In fact, nothing is being done. Progress is zero. Yet it’s important and time left, approximately 6 months. Sounds crazy and it is.

Pretty difficult when I feel like I’m on my own. As uncertain as it can feel at times, I’m in between being motivated through my mind and a whole lot on washing my hands off this. Yet I think about this every single day. And I even made an alternative plan if this does not work out. I’m trying to train my mind and heart to be mentally and emotionally ready for either ways.

Because at the end of the day, I just don’t want to put too much hope in this.

Close

I’m so close to giving up,
Even when I get up each day.
I’m so close to losing hope,
As I can’t figure out my way.
But please, let me not give up my faith,
For it’s the only thing that prevents me from being astray.

P.S. May you have a blessed Eid with your loved ones

Night falls

The only place I want to find comfort in right now is to be by my parents’ side. Because I know no matter how many times I can get angry or upset with them, they’ll never hurt me like how strangers or others do.

P. S. He never reads my blog so sometimes I feel foolish about even having the tiny bit of hope that someday he will. Just to know about how I feel on some days when I don’t feel like talking or.. Slightly more than what I would usually tell him. Here’s the best thing, I never “hint” about my blog to him even if I want to deep inside. But who cares, right?

So let us mind our matters by ourselves. I’m sorry for this personal story. Have a blessed week and Ramadan.

Confession

These days, I’ve been so occupied with work and finishing tasks to rush deadlines with days filled up with the children’s crazy attitudes (they’re still my little best friends though). I’m so e x h a u s t e d. As much as I’m going to miss teaching them actually, I’m looking forward to the days when the only worry I have is what food to eat. Ha, kidding. There are other personal matters that I need to work on in the upcoming days, InshaAllah. And my deen is definitely one of them 😶

On a side note, five months ago (yes, where did all the time goes to!), I was somewhere on the other side of the world to meet with one of my favourite people. Considering how messed up my life is right now, I’m always trying to remind myself of how fortunate I am to know and be loved by this human being for quite a long period of time. Despite the distance (plus the countless numbers of unnecessary dramas and arguments). Thank you for being someone whom my parents can believe in and for sticking by, idiot. Haha🙂

image

Never mind if the picture does not focus on our mysterious shadows or is not related to whatever that I’ve written.

Bye.

Not important

I like being inactive in social medias. Occasionally I logged in to Instagram and I answer myself again to why I’m like this. And when I post something, I secretly hope that my friends don’t notice it. Strange, I know. Also by the way, deactivating FB for the meantime has been quite ok actually. I’m used to not really know what’s going on in people’s lives. I don’t think I would want to know much:/ This left me with Twitter, of which I’m ok about. A useful way to know what’s going on in the world or whatsoever.. And sometimes, briefly “talk to myself” about certain days when I feel the need to let it out.

Is there anyone I know who is like this and why am I even writing this in the first place😐