Radhiyahh's Blog

I think some people should take a look at theirselves first before judging others’ mistakes. And I assumed that some people just don’t know how to see a date or read a simple content properly. And by that, these people still have the cheeks to assume wrongly and worse, think they know everything about a certain someone just by reading their blog.

For a certain somebody, I really don’t know what else to say to you because it seems like every word that comes out from my mouth was fucking nothing. You always make it look like you’re the innocent one and I’m the only one who is to be blamed for every problem. You always have the things you want to say and never failed to make me feel useless as a human being. Yes, of course you would want to stand up for yourself and wins in almost everything because you’re a guy with a huge ego still tingling there. I knew you too well, you would always want to win for anything. Even if it takes a word that could really hurt me. Don’t you think so?

It makes sense now. We verbally exchanged arguments that seems to be never-ending as soon as we open our mouth. And you never want to shut up don’t you? Since you think that you’re always right and would think that you will in all our wars,  fine. Go ahead,  i’m giving up on all these useless accusations. You can still potray yourself as the good guy and me, being labeled as a bitch. Nothing new, it has always been like that.

Yes, I couldn’t agree with you more. Yesterday’s ‘conversation’ was a huge mistake and i hate you more than ever. It feels like I don’t know you anymore. Suddenly, i realized everything has changed. Even you. It had always been you who made me feel beautiful and feel like at least i’m being part of something, in the past. But now, it has also been you who always make me feel useless and can’t help but thinks so lowly of herself.

Sometimes, when you bring up the topic about my ‘crush’ and saying like as if it was really a huge mistake that i have ever done to you, i wanted to defend myself. No matter how much i tried to tell you that it only happens after we broke off and nothing had ever come out of the short ‘crush’, you will never understand a single thing that i said. You wrongly accused me of everything. And even makes a big deal out of it when the truth is; it happened days after we are over not while we were together, there was nothing going on between us, he was just a friend who was only there in school, we have never go out with each other before, we neither sms or talk on the phone and what right do you have over my feelings btw? How could you even called me a slut because of this? FYI, i have never cheated on you before while we were together.

Speaking of all these, when i knew about all your stories or short encounters with some girl-friends of yours I realized that perhaps you should think about all those and see if that actually means ‘cheating’.

Even when we were an item, you did some things that really hurt me. You know what they were, you should. If you think that those were just pictures, what does that actually mean? What were you even thinking when you did all that. Yes, that was the past already and maybe it does not mean anything to you but still, it happened and they hurt me. And worse, not only once. Each time i brings up about these, you defended yourself. Perhaps, it’s not only these incidents which adds on to your mistakes too i assume. You think you knew the limits right? Think again.

And what about those after we broke off? The one you told me about the two girls. How could i forget. You could easily have said to me that nothing happen between you guys, oh i believed. Of course, you did went on ‘dates’. About your cousin; you know it’s really not neccessary for you to brag so much about her and let me know about your sweet sms messages. Somehow, it annoyed me so much that it makes me think so differently of you.

The fact is, i do not have any control about who you want to like or want to go out with. I never have. It’s  really up to you to do whatever you like. So, why have you always been the one to judge about everything that i do or feel when you really shouldn’t have even when we are not together?

So, it’s just fair that you don’t accused me of being a bitch or whatever you want to call it just because i post the entry of the short ‘crush’, thinks that i have ever cheats on you and everything that you think of me now.

You think you’re the only one who suffered? When i cried like nobody’s business during those nights, you never knew. Each time my mind reminds me of us for something, i always wish you know. You never would understand how much my mind had been all these while. You are just so stupid to think that i’m not a human being with feelings. Not only you who have feelings, you know.

Let me remind you again, it has always been me to keep things to myself. And if you have a problem with that, i’ll assume you have never accepted me for the way i am. I find it pointless to tell you anything that’s been in my mind because i knew you would still think they are useless.

By the way, don’t worry, i’ll give it back all your stuffs one of these days. I shall personally go to your store if that’s what you want. But i thought you said that you wouldn’t want to see my ‘bloody face’ anymore? So, i just wonder how is that possible. What about if i mail those things to you instead? So if you’re reading this, let me know your home address.

I wouldn’t want to see you ever again too, trust me. From now on, we shall never meet again and everything that belongs to you, will not stay with me. Even all your messages in my handphone. Not forgetting, all those messages from you i used to write down, i will keep them away from me. I’ll see you as something from the past. If we  bump into each other in the future which i assume that will never happen, don’t fret i will pretend like i never know you.

That’s because i  never know you, anymore. I shall think that everything we went through last time was JUST a long dream. I will choose not to believe in whatever that i believed in. I would never have thought about all these in the past. Even if you want to think that i’m a NATO girl, go ahead. I really mean it this time around.

I never want to know you anymore.

There is really a lot for me to say to you but i rather stop here for now. Perhaps, i shall continue for the later post. I had spent 3 hours writing this down. And i know, even after reading this. You will still think very highly of yourself and this message does not even matter to you.

This, is for all those messages you had sent me over the days. I could have given you my diary to read till your eyes sore. But maybe this would be the same too.

You will never hear me speak again. Till then, signing off.